Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in spudspud's LiveJournal:

Thursday, May 18th, 2006
10:58 am	i am back ! been a long time :( ill be brief here ..jan got my hoose 24th still ill with f****ing sciatica been depressed.rolling onto n ow May! aunt died last month .just a nightmare all round i guess, just past middle of may havent moved cats or dogs in,dont know how heating works , havent fitted new shower yet , BIRMINGHAM GAY PRIDE is approaching and i aint ready for that ,,,:( still rather depressed with how my life is ,,,,,,,,,,,,have started seeing paul who i have known a few years ...:)but think im as much a fuck up as the poofs i slag off . anyway thats far too much info to be getting on with ..........hugs to all those in l.j land ! (Comment on this)
Friday, November 4th, 2005
7:03 pm	:( single wel finally my relationship with dan has ended :( it didnt really get going for me and in hyndsight which is no use to anyone i shouldnt get involved , i thought i was` over jon and quite clearly wasnt .. along with everything else ive got going on it didnt work , wasnt pleasent deciding it but in the long run , its for the best , am very sorry but thats useless too :( im off to france on sunday now on my own as would be too painfull to go together aint really loking fwd to it , but have stuff to do so i better get on with getting house in france sorted. this time next week i should be looking at a wood burner :) Current Mood: disappointed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
8:05 pm	accounts well some good news at last although tomorrow will be all important, i only need to peices of paper for the accountant to finalize my lAST YEAR ACCOUNTS , that inturn should trigger my mortgage application then the offer ,then hopefully i get my new house around xmas time (all guess work ) but hope so , then i can finnaly get re-united with my pets and make a new home and start after moving from the pub i had for two years . time will tell Current Mood: excited (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
12:26 pm	now which mood does spuddy have today ....:-0 :-(it changes so fast sure its the tablets im taking :( that reminds me wondered why my pain was here after getting up.... pills are yes the doc said it would help if i remembered to take em hi to all my new friends in the usa .wheya Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Friday, October 21st, 2005
4:19 pm	winter is here :( SAT AT DANS WHILST THE RAIN LASHES THE WINDOW :( am off to see a panto thingy tonight by the league of gents hope it cheers me up , went and poped into my moms and as usual you could here the tv half way up the drove , i dont know how her neighbours cope , sick of typing about not being well and my health problems so just to say no change there . got a ticket for the footy on saturday so thats summot i am looking fwd too, still no news on the accounts front so the mortgage application has come to a standstill. wish there was some better new to type here but alas no. maybe my trip to the house in france will be the turning point , hi all even tho ive no-one commenting on this im sure it must be read by someone !! who cares ......... laters xx Current Mood: cold (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 20th, 2005
8:13 pm	dog training as usual a day doesnt go by without a problem apppearing to stress ,and depress me , took the dogs for a walk as usual and they ended up attacking aalsation that some other guy had on a lead , it made me ashamed , embarased and totally depressed with there behaviour from one day to the next, "tiny" is a french mastiff and the person or should i say dog responsible for my health probs :( i know he didnt mean to knock me over but looking back i wonder how things would have panned out if he hadnt :( i lost my man and my health my whole world fell apart , i dodnt think im anywhere near getting it sorted 18months later..... back to the [park >> dont really know how to stop there antics it may be that they have to be mussled or let off seperately, rather fed up with them to be honest . been a bit of an atmospher with dan of late and think he checked my phone last night , dont think the trust is there :( well have booked to go over to france on nov 6th till the 15th to see how things are coming along with my house renovastion .. summot to look fwd too :) laters xxx Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
12:00 pm	when wil i ever be pain free? woke this morning with horrendus back ache , being ill since march 04 is really draining me mentally :( sat here on dan,s sofa im still as mixed up as ever , really cant work out if i want a relationship with him,or anyone when im like this , am thinking of tryingaccupuncture ?? anyone with a comment on this would be great ?? is there any one out there?? Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
2:00 pm	mood swings well today i woke up a complete different man... after getting into bed last night as usual cuddled up to dan but then managed to relax enuff for things to get "hot " far hotter than they have done in a while ... still rather trapped between wanting a relationship wiv dan and sulking with the past and finding things too much at times . still struggling with the shitty 18 months ive had and full of regrets and things that i wish id done . oh well heresto tommorow Current Mood: indifferent (Comment on this)
Monday, October 17th, 2005
10:24 pm	beating depression well the game against blues has gone and gone , we won 1-0 yehhhhhhh but the lift i thought it would give me has been shortlived..didnt get the shop unit i was after and that sent me spiraling back into depression , life has been turned upside down am sick of tablets sick of being in constant pain and not happy with my faggot of a life :( but hey theres always tommoreow..........>>> Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 16th, 2005
7:06 pm	its not the taking part..its the WINNING :) yesssssssssssss.. elation we won the local bragging rights 1-0 against birmingham yess good on you upp the villa .yiiiiiippieeeeeee Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
11:51 am	sundays well today i woke up nervous ... its the big derby game and will be gutted if we (aston villa ) lose again against BLUES "SPUD SPITS ON FLOOR" had another nite of tears and little conversation wiv danny :( really am such a mixed up freak at the minute fred my best buddy is back off his hols he went to the canaries for a week, spoke to him on msn the morning soooooooo funny :) backs hurting today also think ive been over doing it again :( so its back to square one again ... been a long time now since i had a "normal" life rather gets me down . i intend to update this laters so im hoping ive got good news to type... laters xxx Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 15th, 2005
9:27 am	good morning folks ... :) wel thought id start the day positive .. then i got out of beed with a crash . stayed at dans even tho we were supposed to be having a break to sort our (MINE ) feelings . had arough day and wanted to be back at his he is elated . mer FUCK knows , i can get sorted in my head and its becoming a real problem for me , i cant handle a relationship right now . my life has turned upside down in the last year and half and i feel like ive got to start from scratch again thats a bloody hard feeling in my current condition , taking so many tablets i rattle nad constantly wishing for things to bve right just aint helping :( oh well guess it will sort itself at some point but im rather frustrated at waiting , sory to be all doom n gloom but if you are readingthis ill only say it how it is ! tried uploading or downloading apic but didnt work maybe next tim e >> *SPUD WAVES * bye Current Mood: crappy (Comment on this)
Friday, October 14th, 2005
7:06 pm	being content pluses ..minuses as you can see by the title of my latest entry im in serious thought mood or mode. strange that being content is what we all desire but seems if you are content for too long we get crept up on by complaicancy and if we dont notice we get wacked :( im still slow learning i guess. havent introduced danny to you lot yet not even sure if anyone reads this (hellllllllooooooooo ) anyone there ? but he is the latest to bump into a potato and start a relationship we are a few months in and well who knows had rather a bad time of things for 18months now and although i can some days see a light at the end of the tunnel its bloody hard work , being 37 and concider myself to be quite a strong minded person the last year and a half has really ground me down :(its the classic thing to put yer health at the top of yer wanted list but when you get that taken away like i have it cruicifys you, and for it to snowball and you lose your man you love dearley and almost evrything else goes tits up its certainly an eye opener.8-) but its about looking fwd and thats what i intend to do ............. Current Mood: crappy (Comment on this)